How To Lose A Scale Mini-Series: When Reality Sinks In

 I hopped on the Rutgers bus to go to my lecture yesterday evening at 6:00 p.m. Before going to class, I just finished running 4 miles in the gym on my floor. After showering and before heading to the bus, I wanted to grab a snack from the convenience store to hold me over through class, until dinner. Snack of choice: sour strips candy. I hopped on the bus and opened up my candy and started eating. About halfway through the bus ride, I had a minor 'epiphany." Here I am during my senior year of college, on a bus to class, eating one of my favorite snacks...WITHOUT FEELING EMBARRASSED. Embarrassed?...you may be wondering to yourself. 'Why would Forrest even think of something like that?' Well, just keep reading...

I remember during my freshman and sophomore year of college, the anxiety I used to have about eating snacks/junk food in public. There I was, an extremely overweight individual, going to town on an array of unhealthy snacks depending on what day it was. It's not like I gave it much thought when I bought the food...I was much like I am now, whenever I want something to eat, I just eat it (although now, whatever I eat is more likely to burn off quicker than it used too); however, I would always notice, halfway through eating snacks (healthy or unhealthy) in public, that a feeling of abashment would come over me. It was almost like an anxiety attack. I would quickly begin to think that everyone was watching me eat, and on top of that, I began to assume that everyone was talking about me behind my back (cracking jokes and whatnot). Sometimes, the situations got to the point (much to my chagrin) that, whenever I would go to the dining hall, I would eat a seemingly healthy meal, and wait til I got back to my dorm to eat the dessert/candy/unhealthy snacks that I really wanted, because I knew that no-one would judge me in the privacy of my own space.

Looking back on how I used to be, I noticed a few characteristics:

• I was at a place of such low self-esteem
• I was harboring an anxiety that I should not have been fueling
• I was seemingly placing myself in a segregated category
• The mind is a powerful, POWERFUL thing

The anxiety did not just stop with snacks. I began to limit my self at the dining hall. I would not go back for 'seconds' for food sometimes, for fear of shameful looks form my peers. I would not eat dessert in the dining hall.  Whenever someone would offer me cookies or brownies that they had made, I would refuse, if there was more than one person in the room. It amazes me, til this day, the mental torture that I put myself through.

Toward the second semester of my sophomore year, at the height of these anxieties, is when I TRULY became aware of how large I was, and how unhealthy my nutritional life was. This is when reality began to sink in, with the weight and force of an anchor that has just been dropped into the ocean. When reality sinks in...there is no turning back.

Thank you for reading my post! I will be posting the next installment of this mini-series shortly, so come back and read it to find out what happens next!!